What to Love
can you love yourself as much as you would love somebody else? (you can but you first have to love somebody else) i think for some time yes, but one eventually needs confirmation from the outside to believe oyour love .
t is similar to the question of will internal validation ever be enough? we all want to us and our work to be loved. love is validating and it gives permission
if it is completely internal if one is not very smart he could get derailed and detached. if it is completely external he will be a perfect average. you want a mix of being a little in tune with others and being assertive in validating your beliefs. the thing is that one first has to experience that feeling of validation and love to then be able to generate it himself for himself. so there has to be some external input.
it can also be a comet that shines bright and disappears as abruptly as it appeared. I have found it is the intensity of an encounter that matters, once you feel it that memory gives oyu some guidance. that’s often the first encounter. I have asked a few old people their first love. a few answered with name and surname and their story and how it shaped them.
i also think we can love things as surrogates. and we need something to love, to become great at, to express our potential through which we can expand. and be satisfyied. but eventually we also need somebody to love. work cannot expand our intimate selves, another person can.
it is through them that you can access other parts of you that would not be expressed at work. because love is a constant act of confession. it’s not just about wanting to feel something because that leads to limerence, addiction and seeking intensity rather than connection. you get drunk on hormones and neurochemically hacked. oxytocin gave me a lesson in biology and psychology in that regard.
I always thought of love as things that drags you down. unproductive and draining. but now i think love with the right person and the right thing acts as a multiplier. it gives you infinitely renewable confidence and endurance. that’s the value.
so you need to love your work and a human, in that order.